I think ,therefore I.... suck at meditating.

Part of my wellness protocol is to meditate. I know the immune boosting benefits: awareness, stress reduction, lowering blood sugar, harmonizing my body. There have been many studies that prove that meditation is a tool for tapping into the energy to heal. All you need is to be able to breathe. So lets all be grateful that we can breathe. I have been steadily meditating for about two weeks now. I think the hardest part is convincing yourself that you have the time. Why is it so hard to give myself 5 minutes? My therapist would ask what I am afraid of( Did i mention i fired my therapist, 3rd ones a charm right) I think I have issues with meditation because I think "i am just not good at this" and after its done unlike a massage I'm not sure if i feel any better. So I started to look at it like a 401K, small deposits will pay off eventually, right Your Holiness?

I'll give you a sneak peek for what meditation is like for me: i know i am not alone.

Set pillow down. turn off lights. turn music on, light candle and...action!

"OK. OK aah this is good I'm glad I'm doing this. OK stop thinking about meditation and meditate. OK"

Focusing on my breath feeling the air up my nose breathing it out my mouth

"Look at that ,my exhale is causing the flame to move, maybe i should close my eyes"

breathing, chanting om with the music

" i wonder if my neighbors can hear me upstairs, i have the worst voice"

starting to shift around getting comfortable focusing on a few breaths

" I think i want to go to Pier 1 and get a nice floor pillow, then i will be able to meditate better. jeez grace your meditating and you are thinking about shopping retail, real zen. focus!"

Focusing on breath, going well

"I wonder how long its been. I don't care if my neighbors hear me I think i need to chant to focus"

Breathe in, Breathe out OMMM! .....

" When i am done with this i cant forget to check the mail, and call (insert name). come back to the flame. focus"

A few more breaths and... scene.


I kind of suck at this, but who's head is so empty that they can just sit down bam, zen? I envy people like that, they can carry that serenity throughout the day.  Really though,  are they not kind of sort of a little boring.   Anyway its been two weeks and I have to admit it does get easier to spend  time being instead of thinking.  

I do try to take a few precautions prior to sitting down to get some thoughts out of my head.  The house I grew up on was on a lake and we had a lot of canadian geese.  Wildlife is nice and all, but the shitty lawn (geese shit)was really no fun to play on.  The geese would come and I noticed there were a few approaches  to keep them away, which I compare to meditating.   Geese being the metaphorical thoughts shitting all over my meditation session.

          My mom's approach: she used to come out on the deck and yell "shoo."  I think it worked once but she kept on doing it for like 10 years. 

          My neighbors approach: He actually used to light firecrackers.  They actually would all fly away, but they would be back and dude that was just annoying.  so angry

          What really works:  If you get a dog they chase the geese away and they don't come back.  

So my dog is a pen- writing every single thing I could possibly think of that might come up in those minutes.  In hopes that they will not come back.  It is the ultimate to do list- I even write all the things i wonder, wish,  loathe, regret,resent... whatever you get the idea.  (It really helped me) 

 

I also put this video on my computer ,its a start.     

Namaste,

Grace